Studying chemistry now, had a good cry. Sometimes I think too much. It a blessing too bad it does not work for studies. However thinking too much can be bad for me. I really wonder what the hell is wrong with me. I get too many thoughts that its overwhelming or when I think from too many angles I actually can think the worst of people. Sometimes I need to see a person fall before I can see a person's strength. I have been sad the whole day and have not been able to concerntrate very well but I feel better now and my mind is not so clouded. I'm trying to look at the bright side of things. Just think as a different sixteenth birthday instead of sweet sixteen maybe it can be sorrowful sixteen. I would be different from everybody. The more I think the worst of people the more sad I become. My eyes are damn red now but it will go away in a while. Is it customary to have 3 wishes? I wonder. If it was I made mine already. I finally figured why I am so sad or at least I think so. The day has been practically horrible appart from the fact of watching coach carter (inspirational movie-enjoyed it a lot). I have had no birthday song, no presents, no celebrating of my birthday, no cutting of cake (I have one but I just have not cut it yet.) and people forgetting my birthday. When people say something like 'oh yar. today your birthday. I remembered.' It probably means they forgot. When this happens and you remember the other parties birthday and they don't remember yours, its insulting and it makes you sad but all I can do is put on a smile and say its ok but I don't mean it. People put on mask to hide their fears. Crying is a weakness but yet it can be strength. Being able to show people that you cry is showing them your fears, insecurities and weaknesses this shows that the person is not afraid of being judged by another. However, if you use crying to gain sympathy, it will backfire and embarass you instead. You may think that a person never cries and they are strong however it is not true the person hides there insecurities to put a strong front and let people see their strength and that person may be the person that everyone leans on in time of need. So they cannot waver if not the others may have even more insecurities and that person is not strong enough to help. Sometimes a person needs to let it all out. But with that, a person should have a special place and a special someone to help them along the way and I hope that person may appear soon or maybe I have not noticed it yet. I think that the person would be someone that does not know you very well for that person is unable to judge you yet for they do not know you well and they have no idea what to say so they shut up and listen especially guys they do not know what to do when they see a crying girl. However, some may surprise you just like someone I know.OyasuminasaiJa.P.S I need more quotes I'm running out also I've been thinking whether to close my birthday log what do you people think. What people say there may not be true but who is to say anything. Sorry negative thought.-To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world-
grace
1:22 AM
