Today is my birthday and it sucks. Hardly anyone remembers. So sad. I can't even decide how I want to celebrate my birthday. Its so sad. Looks like I may not celebrate. I think I am going to spend it alone watching movies till my eyes pop out of my head. I do not want anyone to come to my house on Saturday. Its either Friday or nothing but it seems no one wants to come since they all go Orchard. It ain't fair but when has life ever been. It actually hurts and I feel like crying but I always mask my pain so no one can see. Sometimes people notice while others don't care. Some pursue the matter while others don't. Sometimes the world is always split into 2 groups. People say they have never seen me cry but its not like I never. I have cried before. Like when I was choosing which choir to go too. My dad wanted me to go to my bro's choir but I did not want to. My mom was on that side too though she tried to support me she was not very convincing. Life is never easy and sometimes you have to show strength to hide your fears. I always think too highly of what people say and most of the times take their words into account. People mask their strength to hide their insecurities and I am sometimes one of them. I need to let out my emotions and one day I may just have an emotional breakdown. I took a quiz on what power suits you and it decribes my correctly and if anyone wants wants to do it go find the result which says controlling time. However, I hope no one judges me by what I say for the person should know me better than judge me. Many people have hurt me without knowing and I have done the same. Sometimes we say things that we don't mean but we should think before we act and if we have said something wrong, we should say sorry because the longer it goes on, that person may drift further away from us. I have to celebrate my birthday myself while others have their friends to celebrate with them and do what they want while I have to follow what my friends say. A tear just fell. It ain't fair but I have to live for myself and my birthday does not give me the right to tell people what to do. They want to celebrate the prelims and let them be. I called this entry unmasking because I am showing people how I really feel. This morning I felt really terible but I tried to be happy but all I could do was to smile and laugh though there was an emptyness inside of me. My class tried to sing birthday song for me but it was pathetic compared to the other class because there were 2 other girls who had the same birthday as me. Then came the paper. It was hard for me to think I kept telling myself that it was no big deal. The paper was so hard that it added to my sorrow. I really wanted to cry. I told myself that I want to get out of here as soon as possible so I got out of school as fast as I could and prayed the bus would come soon but to no avail. But things kept happening to me so I thought that it was my retribution. On the bus I let myself think but the more I thought, the more sad I got. I could feel tears wanting to flow out but I stopped myself and let my mind clear. It was frustrating at the same time. So I cleared my mind sucked it up and became myself again. This day is special yet it is just going to pass me by. My sixteenth birthday is suppose to be great you know sweet sixteen but I have to spend it studying. It feels like no one cares but people have to study and sometimes they've got better things to do. Sometimes I wonder who is my true friend who can I say this infront of to and they won't judge me but give me true comfort and tell to just let it out instead of telling me to stop crying which is like telling me to keep it in. It hurts that I have no one to confide in but now I am writing it here for people to see and read. It really hurts but I hope no one talks to me about this and mention this to other people. Once you read this your lips must be sealed. Thank you for listening and I feel better. Better wipe my tears and blow my nose.Ja. -Peace and trust take years to build and just seconds to shatter-
grace
3:03 PM
