e s o p h o r i a - it's all about how you perceive me.

I'm updating now since people are polluting my cbox. Ain't it funny when I do update wanting people to tag me there is no messages for me and when I don't write people are bugging me to write. Somewhat ironic. Anyway I haven't written in over a week. I bought the new Meg Cabot book. How to be popular. Read that finish including princess diaries 7 which is currently with lusty/lecherous/loose/loser and definitely not lovely Laura :) . Nothing much happened over the week. Slept only 4 hours yesterday since I wanted to watch the new Korean drama A love to kill and I basically fell asleep when it was about to end. I managed to finish the inequalities section of the TYS. I so do not want to look at graphs anymore. How I loathe drawing graphs. Today was last lesson for Japanese class going to start stage 2 on 3 September. After Japanese I want to do Korean. I have to do stuff for environmental society. Find something to do for animals. But I will deal with it after promos. Then teacher's day coming. I going to bake cookies. Hopefully will turn out well cause my maid's going home during that time. Then going back to secondary school as well. But loads of teachers left. Wonder if the teacher's remember me in the first place.

Nothing much left to say. I lazy to put pictures. I don want to put cjc pics I want sjc people pics. When go back must ask Laura bring camera to take photos.

I have to say sorry to my GP teacher for writing not nice stuff about her. Its totally wrong information and not true of which I have deleted.

-He who has never hoped can never despair-

grace
10:37 PM

I'm feeling better though still sick. Yesterday was National Day. Monday had lessons until 3.30. So sian. Tuesday even more irritating. Got this walkathon thing. We suppose to walk like 7km. Ok lah besides the fact that my converse shoes are muddy and covered in grass. Then later we have to sit on this patch of grass. That filled with loads of bugs. It made me so itchy. Just thinking about it makes me itchy. Then they keep talking and wasting our time. When we are suppose to go, they keep asking the mascot can you give a description. So frustrating. Alicia gave me the second part of my present which is suppose to be a chopstick for my hair. Then later I was suppose to have lunch with Laura. But the stupid bus so full cannot get on. End up I miss the last 2 bus. Then I walked to the bus stop before which is so far away. I happy I managed to get on the bus but when I reached the next stop, I saw so many people gone. So even if I had stayed there, I would have gotten on the bus. I dropped at St. Helier's. I saw Simran there. She told me a lot of my secondary school teachers left. After I reached home quickly went to bath and went to eat with Laura. She wanted to go eat at friends but we ended up at Borsche steakhouse. We just talked crap and gossiped. Afterwards we walked to Guardian and Watson. We ended up buying this crispy seaweed. Then I went home to sleep.

Yesterday morning went to the temporary chinatown market for breakfast then at the same time my parents bought some prawn, sotong and pork for dinner. Then we went to get crab at Serangoon. After that they dropped me at Heartland Mall. I was suppose to get my present from Jewel and Sioky. I was at MJ. I wanted to buy VCDs but after a very long long long time I decided not to get anything. Then Jewel waited for the bus with me. When I got on the bus I opened the present. It was a denim crop jacket. So nice. But its a but small. I can't button up. Later went Sim Lim collect computer and buy some empty cds. At night had a nice dinner.

After that nothing much happened and its today. I have to go but will leave with lyrics from the National Day 2006 Theme.

My Island Home
Kaira Gong

This is my home
She's everything to me
Grace and beauty
In all that you see

My island home
Wherever I may be
I never will forget her
Nor will she forget me

Chorus ^
And I will sing
A song of home
A land of peace
Where dreams are born everyday
My home
Wherever I may be
I believe
You will always be a part of me ^

My island home
Home of my family
This is my future
Where I want to be
(This is my future
This is my home)

Repeat Chorus x 2

My home
Wherever I may be
I believe
You will always be a part of me
A part of me

JA.

-Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death-

grace
9:51 AM

I'm still sick as ever. My sore throat a bit better but my nose is still dripping with a vengeance And I think it might have gotten worse when it just got better. Nothing's changed since my birthday. Life still sucks. Ok maybe life doesn't suck. I have princess diaries 7 but I need to cultivate my reading mood and stop playing bridge. HAHA. I think I will only put photos on my blog. I resign from putting them on the class blog. I'm just so unappreciated. So I don't care. Later got pw project to work on and I'm suppose to get my present from Jew and Sioky. It better not be Harry Potter 4. I will kill them. I wonder if I was born on the 4th of August instead. Yesterday got better things that happened for example I managed to win a few times in bridge. I seriously need to get a live. I finally watched finish Full Metal Alchemist. I am so not happy with the ending that's why I want the movie. I'm still hoping for korean drama. I need to go file my files. So many to pass up on Monday. It will be nice seeing Jew and Sioky again. Carol definitely forgot and she is so dead when I next see her, if I even see her. I think she kind of doesn't care about us anymore. Her YJ friends is what she wants. I know I shouldn't be saying these kind of things but that is how I feel. I thank Laura for wishing me all those nice stuff. Good health......(don't know what else) and a good love live. As usual. I miss the old days. I have to go. I will put up photos another day. Ja.

-Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive -- the risk to be alive and express what we really are-

grace
11:19 AM

I also have to thank Rohan for wishing me. I miss yj. They wouldn't be like cj. Now I am writing ignore on my msn. Its to tell myself to ignore this day. My dad did forget. Very sad but that's life. I really haven't got nothing else to right. But I just felt like saying this. I am very lucky today too. I didn't fall down, I got better after my fever on Tuesday of which I stupidly did PE that day and like always after one night's of sleep I got better and my throat doesn't hurt that much. Also I didn't hit the pole at the bus stop. But I kept losing in bridge today. I always tell myself that the bad luck will only lead to loads of good luck. But in truth there is no good or bad luck. Its you who makes your own luck. I must not be so hesitant anymore in whatever I do if not I will regret it.

Today had like pw lessons which is so sick. Super boring. I sian of being leader. Tomorrow physics lesson should be fun. Anyway Chinese lesson was used to write composition. I wrote about the time I forged my parents signature.

Have to go study. Oyasumi.

-Fear grows in darkness; if you think there's a bogeyman around, turn on the light-

grace
10:10 PM

Haha! A year is going to go by again. I wonder why I even celebrate my birthday. To thank God for my birth. To celebrate me coming onto this world. I am happy God gave me this life. But if people forget I get hurt. So what is the point. Now I am crying when I told myself that I wouldn't cry. I have to accept this. However I am thankful for the ones who have remembered. I don't have to worry about people reading this post because no one reads my blog, its just for my memory. To remind myself not to be so immature. I rather this day not come. But after this day it will be forgotten and when it comes again I will get sad. I'm 17 this year I should be mature. But I act like a spoilt child.

I thank God for giving me friends like Laura, Lene, Cher, Jo Jo, Nana, Jewel, Sk and Teri. They were the first to wish me. The present Laura, Lene, Cher, Jo Jo and Na gave me gave me hope. However, that was about all I get. I am most thankful for Laura despite the fact we argue and insult each other and the fact I suck at comforting her but the only thing I can do is give her a shoulder to cry on. I guess Carol forgot my birthday since she never talked to me at all. For that I was most hurt. Alicia forgot my present. I tell myself its ok but in truth its not its as good as forgetting people's birthday. I wonder why I try so hard to make my class people's birthday a good one. Besides people wishing me birthday and giving me a birthday song, I had nothing else except a card from Vic. I thank her for that. It gave me hope as well. I have to get a hold of myself. Tears keep pouring out. Am I being egotistical. Today was no different from any other day. I think my own father forgot. I have to tell myself that its ok. But even if I tell myself that my heart feels differently.

I thank my family still for giving birth to me and raising me. My brother cares about me a lot. Last year, when I was crying he comforted me not directly but I am thankful for it. My mom sent me an sms this morning, Ruby che che too. Godma sent me my card already. No matter what she gets me I am always happy.

Tomorrow there is a economics test but I just don't feel like studying. Am I allowed to? I think besides dying, my greatest fear is to not be loved.

I think I'm afraid not to tell anyone in my class about my blog because I'm afraid of what they think of me when they read my entries. I guess I'm afraid of what they think when they think when they read stuff like what I want to write now. I shouldn't be afraid. I wonder if my class cares about my birthday or is because its like a chore they have to do?

When I see the word 3th August, I feel afraid. I'm afraid of what would happen.

I guess this is my present to myself.

The Birthday Song
Corrinne May

Don't worry about that extra line
That's creeping up upon your face
It's just a part of nature's way to say you've grown a little more
Trees have rings and thicker branches
Kids shoes get a little tighter
Every year we're getting closer to who we're gonna be
It's time to celebrate the story of how you've come to be

Happy Birthday, my friend
Here's to all the years we've shared together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true

So light a candle on your cake
For every smile you've helped create
For every heart and every soul
You've helped to grow a little more
A few more pounds, a little more grey
Dont count the years, just count the way
It takes a little time to go from water into wine
Dont ever lose the wonder of that child within your eyes

Happy Birthday, my friend
Here's to all the years we've share together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessingSuch a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true

-Fear not for the future, weep not for the past-

grace
8:54 PM